Why abuse victims stay

The victim believes law enforcement and judicial authorities in some jurisdictions may not take domestic violence seriously, hence the victim believes the batterer is often not punished or removed from the victim.

Often the batterer is violent only with the victim and frequently concludes there is something wrong with the victim. The victim may have no idea that services are available and may feel trapped. The battering takes place during a relatively short period of time. Afterwards the batterer may be quite gentle, apologetic, loving, and may promise never to beat the victim again. The victim may be convinced that this beating will be the last. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website.

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It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website. Log in with your credentials. Why would someone stay with, let alone defend a man who had knocked her unconscious? What was wrong with Palmer that she would do this? These accusations and questions prompted a pushback. Beverly Gooden, a human resources manager in North Carolina, started a hashtag on Twitter, WhyIstayed, where she shared her reasons for remaining in a violent marriage. As domestic violence researchers , we were curious how these posts could help professionals and public observers better understand the unique challenges victims of domestic violence face.

With colleague Jaclyn Cravens , and doctoral student Rola Aamar, I examined these voices to see what could be learned. We collected hundreds of posts from women all over the world and read, coded, and sorted them, publishing these findings in Distorted Thoughts. Being controlled and hurt is traumatizing, and this leads to confusion, doubts, and even self-blame.

Perpetrators harass and accuse victims, which wears them down and causes despair and guilt. Damaged Self-Worth. Related was the damage to the self that is the result of degrading treatment.

The threat of bodily and emotional harm is powerful, and abusers use this to control and keep women trapped. Wanting to be a Savior. I would fix him and teach him love. And I valued their lives more than my own. Family Expectations and Experiences. Financial Constraints. A common tactic of manipulative partners is to separate their victim from family and friends. Although these eight reasons for staying are common, they do not describe every victim and situation.

The victim may believe that the abuser is sick and needs their help. The idea of leaving can thus produce feelings of guilt. The victim may come to believe that they somehow deserve the abuse. Being a single parent is a strenuous experience under the best of conditions, and for most victims, conditions are far from the best. The enormous responsibility of raising children alone can be overwhelming. Often, the abuser may threaten to take the children away from them if the victim leaves or attempts to leave.